Of course our own personal choices, as free human beings, can always change the course of our lives and lead us to places no parents want for their children. My parents really did their best for us and I personally do not blame them for the consequences of my own choices in life. When I finished grade four, at the age of nine, my parents enrolled me in an extra summer school for the talented. They wanted me to pass grades five and six in one tough exam and then go to junior high.
What could I possibly do? They just wanted to boast about me before the family. So during that long summer, I did my best, and I passed the big exam. Then, without having an exciting summer vacation, I entered junior high the same year. I felt such pride walking among kids much older than me, but at the same time, the sudden immersion in junior high had its damages on me too.
Because of my interest in history, geography, physics, English language, and literature, I was the best in my class, but not everybody likes geeks! I was the youngest and smallest in my school. But as we all learn through life, popularity will also make enemies; some guys began to develop a jealousy of and hatred toward me, about which I could do nothing.
Back in those years, in the old educational system in Iran, almost all junior middle and high schools were one and were called high school. As a result, many of the students in my school were eighteen years old, and I had friends ranging in age from twelve to eighteen and, in some cases, even older! I could tell you many stories of different occasions when I was picked by various groups and gangs in our school for different reasons— maybe because I was too small and fit for a game, or because my grades were great, or simply because they wanted to laugh at me.
For whatever reason, everybody liked to have me in their gangs, and that was enough to make me feel important. I really liked it very much when older boys in our school approached me and asked me to help them with their grades. I was so naive that I always thought I was the greatest in our school, and because of my age, it never even occurred to me that they could have had other intentions! As I mentioned, my desire to help others and my boastful feelings of being the best in school became my weakness and left me almost defenseless on countless occasions.
When older guys began to approach me and ask me to help them in their studies, in private or at their place, most of the time I was happy to do it. But after a while, I began to understand that what they wanted was not my knowledge, but in fact, my body!
In several occasions, these guys tried to make me show my private areas to them. Some of them even used force. I was always quick to react and was able to escape. But on a few rare occasions, they succeeded in partially abusing me for their own pleasure. I sincerely believed that all they wanted was me helping them in their homework!
Of course, girls were an exception, as you may know. By the time I reached the age of twelve, I began to notice new stuff about my own body and saw myself changing, not only physically, but also emotionally. The most important thing was that I wanted to be with girls more than I wanted to get better grades! I just longed to be with them every second of my life.
cepraxanoko.tk So I began to shift my focus from reading weird books on the supernatural to something even more exciting, breathtaking, adventurous, mysterious, and unpredictable—girls. I learned that I could use my talents and charms to attract some of the most popular girls in our big family circle, as well as in neighborhood schools even in the times of Shah, boys and girls were mostly in separate schools. It was a great discovery, much better than being picked up by any school gang or group.
I felt there was something very special about girls, something as special and mysterious as reading mystical books. I was only twelve, but I knew many things about ancient civilization and the mysteries of the world, like the Mayas, ancient Egypt, Indian cults, Sufism, and UFOs! Girls produced the same chemical activities and excitement within me as studying these fascinating mystical subjects.
In my surprised I noticed that girls were interested in me too; I liked it. Like any other teenager, I had my bad days too. One time, I thought I was deeply in love with a girl, but later noticed that she was interested in my friend, who wanted to do more stuff to her when they were alone! I used to think kissing a girl was a very serious offence to them; at least, that was what they tried to make us boys believe. But later, when I entered my thirteenth year, I noticed that, in fact, they were just pretending to be offended.
So I decided to show more affection. Ironically, when I tried to be more intimate by putting my arms around their shoulder, they complained and pushed me back. Yet when I was polite and respectful they were even madder at me. I was confused.
Why do they do that? Girls are very complicated creatures! After few sadly-ending attempts at romance, I decided to leave the girls to my best friends who were all older than me and walk away. I thought girls were not clear about how they expected me to treat them, while they also got angry at me if I was not able to understand what they expected from me, even when they were not clear about what they wanted! I was like Mr. Spock in Star Trek. However, despite all my logical conclusions, for some weird and pointless reasons, I still longed to be with girls.
On one occasion, I caught the girl I thought I loved with my best friend, and the feeling was so awful that, for the next few days, I experienced this constant pain in my stomach, like I was about to throw up at any moment. I would ask the same question, over and over again, Why do they do that?! The good thing was that I always had my anchor to go back to, and it helped me pull myself back together again—mystism and the supernatural! Spiritualism never got angry at me, never betrayed me, and never hurt me.
Oh my sweet sweet spiritualism—always there in thousands of forms, colors, and varieties; always filled with mysteries and excitements.
I was almost percent sure that my relationship with the mysticism would never end for any reason. An older friend of mine in high school once said, All you see in those weird books is not comparable to the mystery of girls, so why not be with girls instead of living in those imaginary worlds?
Friendship with benefits! Girls are as mysterious as the stuff you like.
Mehrabad International Airport was filled with young people crowding here and there, talking about him on every corner. This compelling story of transformation will touch the deepest wounds and show how God can redeem what seems unredeemable. And this inevitability has its own twists and turns. Bijan was born in in Tehran, Iran. I could see God working in her life and struggles, and watched her grow in her Spiritual life as this journey of the letters progressed. Antonio Cammarata. Sayed Kashua.
The child grew. Sometimes we wish we would never grow up, but it is inevitable. And this inevitability has its own twists and turns. It is written in our DNA. It is born with us. We are all searching for something that seems to be lost or hidden from us. Even if we are in a state of denial, there is still the denial in us seeking more evidence to hold on to more denial. And there are enough facts in life to keep us going in any direction we may chose to walk, even walking in denial.
Do you believe in God? There is a lot of evidences to support or prove His existence. Your spiritual or materialistic outlook may depend on where you were born, where you grew up, how you grew up, what your family beliefs were, what your culture set is, which school you went to, what religion you were born into, what your gender dictates to you, and what your five senses tell you to believe. Eventually, and as a result, these common circumstances tell you how to perceive and classify your further experiences.
Of course, there are many other reasons for you to be who you are now. Everything is connected, and everything is purposeful. You become what you see and hear. And, as you might also agree, your thoughts could give birth to your actions. What a movie! It keeps us alive, in a sense.
You can disagree with me, which is not a surprise because you have the right to believe otherwise. We are very good friends! This action might not be possible to undo. Are you sure you want to continue?
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